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Wednesday, September 4, 2013

The Top 10 Worst Films of 2011

*This is technically a repost. My original post was, mysteriously, deleted and so I post it here again, and now. Enjoy the festivities!

In addition to my list detailing the top 10 Best Films of 2011, I submit to you, my loyal readers my list for the Top 10 Worst Films of 2011. And in order to avoid future headaches, due to reminiscing about these terrible films, I’m keeping the synopses short. Enjoy!

10. Limitless


A pathetic take on the “real life” superhero style of storytelling that goes awry right from the start and delivers a rather cheap and anti-climactic conclusion. There’s no actual point to this film.

09. Colombiana


A boring “action” film that stars Zoe Saldana and masquerades as a revenge film, while forgetting that it’s a revenge film throughout most of its long running time. Also Zoe, eat a steak or a burger! You're a freakin' toothpick!

08. The Mechanic

The Mechanic 2011

This film was written by the screenwriter of the original Charles Bronson cult classic but it takes every aspect from the original film and delivers the opposite. I’m not kidding. It’s literally the exact opposite of the original film. As a result, it continually fails with every step that it takes and is left open ended (unlike the original film!)! How did this film even happen?!

07. Battle Los Angeles

Battle L.A.

Boooooooring! Shaky camera + Call of Duty: Modern Warfare + aliens that we never get to properly see or understand + almost a two hour running time = boooooooring! And crap!

06. Conan the Barbarian

Conan the Barbarian 2011

Boooooooring! What could possibly be less interesting than a skinny version of Conan the Barbarian who now talks all of the damn time and doesn't do anything interesting? Well, not much. Throw in a two hour long runtime (is there a pattern developing here?), terrible CGI, and forgettable fights/battles. Ugh... this movie just sucks!

05. Immortals


Tarsem manages to do the unthinkable: he shoots a film that looks sub-par at best, has no connection to the mythos that’s it’s based on, and doesn’t have any action until the last 15-20 minutes. Plus, it has a two hour runtime (oh, come on!); every set, which btw always looks like a set, is showcased as tiny rooms or corridors; and every exterior shot is a gigantic, flat, barren wasteland. And here I go again… Boooooooring!

04. Horrible Bosses

Horrible Bosses

This was the first comedic film that I’d watched in 2011 and that hadn’t managed to make me laugh more than twice. One chuckle came out during a cute, 10 second skit involving cars at a parking lot; the other chuckle came out purely by accident. I was the only one in the theatre who laughed at the second accidental joke. Now, while the film didn't bore me it's still a complete and utter failure as a comedy and thus, as a film.

03. Super


Yet another “real life” superhero film! But this one was rather interesting until Rainn Wilson put on that stupid red costume and began bludgeoning bystanders over the head with a monkey wrench. Early on he was assaulted by alien tentacles, if my memory serves me right, and later he is raped by Ellen Page (while wearing their superhero costumes). It wasn’t boring. It was simply, wrongly disturbing and is ultimately a piece of crap. Oop! Pardon my French.


02. Bridesmaids


This is the second comedic film that I’d watched in 2011 but it’s a worse film than Horrible Bosses because it’s OVER TWO HOURS IN LENGTH and DIDN’T MAKE ME LAUGH ONCE! Why is this film being nominated for Golden Globe awards and Oscars?! And how did it end up on people and critics’ top 10 best films of 2011 lists?!!! And yes, I was bored, bored, bored!!

01. Sucker Punch

 photo 01-SuckerPunch_zps30811774.jpg

Read my 0.5 stars review to find out why Sucker Punch is the worst film of 2011. ‘Nuff said.

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